My life

 My husband is normally a nice person, shares work everything, I get sick he will help out but if the sick day lasts more than a day he starts acting like a pest. He goes to the fridge and randomly checked find a long forgotten thing. With the huge fridges in USA there's easily something going on there maybe a loose tomato rotting away  or something. Today it was a strawberry pack I bought 3 days back. No, in his mind, strawberries cannot stay past 2 days even when I, the major consumer, am down with something. He uses that to yell at me and when I get super defensive he gets to the kids especially the first one, coz its easier to provoke her, she questions him back, she asked how is it possible to finish the whole pack by myself was todays logical question. He gets upset with her for talking back meanwhile the younger one who cribs to eat strawberries is downing a few. I can see her quietly popping them, making weird faces and trying to swallow. These things make me super mad at him. And then he can be at the opposite end of this spectrum half an hour later be all lovey dovey. Then when I need some help for something other than what he always helps around, because I am sick and tired, he brings his beast mode back on and yells at me. More than anything this could have a very negative impact on my kids life. But then he takes them on hikes, bike rides, walk, restaurant, shopping, malls and all kinds of fun. No he will absolutely not see a counselor with me. He has made that much very clear. In the name of making them better ( they attend 3 after school each) I feel.like he is harnessing them. But he wants then to be successful in life coz he doesn't want them to be dependent on any man. That's good, I like that. Currently am acting as a buffer, like he gets mad and I communicate to them carefully. But this is taking a toll on my mental health. Already my physical health is not that good. He grew up in a very toxic family environment where his father wanted/wants to control the entire family. He probably doesn't want to do that but he is already there. This isn't easy. I feel like he is making our lives harder than it should be. And this weekend he has invited a family of 4 adults 2 kids for lunch. Though I am a decent cook, I have no idea or the needed vessels or space to cook for 6 adults and 4 kids and how my body is going to handle that is beyond me. Cancelled them once before and they are still upset about it. For the exact same reason can't afford to cancel them again. 🤦🤦🤦